If I Must Starve

 

From the river to the sea Palestine will be free

InshaAllah 

Untuk Sali

Kematian itu 

Bukanlah pemergian

Sebaliknya ia

Adalah ketibaan

Kubur Itu bukan

Pintu kegelapan

Malahan ia adalah

Pintu menuju kecintaan

Apa yang kelihatan

Seolah tenggelam mentari

Sebenarnya adalah

Hening subuh pagi

Jiwa hanya

Menanggalkan pakaian

Untuk masuk ke alam

Tiada kesudahan

Yang dikira mati itu

Cuma ruh kembali

Ke tempat asli

 n abadi

Sesungguhnya

Kematian itu

Adalah hadirnya

Di Taman syurgawi

Maka jgn ditangisi

Kematian ini

Kerna hidup ini

Hanyalah diberi

Dan untuk diambil kembali

nkc Juli ‘25

Nazam 6/7 n Alex 12/7 passed away within a week 

of each other

my brother Nazam

 Nazam @ Ajam, my elder brother, passed away in the wee hour today

He and I were once acclaimed as twins by Mak, probably because the age gap was only a year apart, n that what made us very close during our childhood days

I would often follow him to his Chinese friends' home, either Christopher or King Wah, n sometimes to Devan, for a game of football, playing monopoly or just for d sake of going over to spend time there

D Khan’s brothers ~ Abang Nazam me Al Ajib

When he got a place to study in Mrsm, we would still get together during d monthly trip to see him in Seremban

At Mrsm i would always go to call him at his dorm though i was an outsider

But because I wasn't much different in size, d students there always thought i was one of them

Bak n Mak would take us to restoran Fatimah for d usual roti canai

D roti canai was plain but since Bak liked it so much, that was d place we would go each time we were in Seremban, unless la Mak had prepared something for a picnic by d hill at Mrsm

While at Mrsm, he was so engrossed in music that later on in his life he played in a few bands as d lead guitarist 

I went to see him play here n there, in pubs, night clubs, hotels lounge whenever i could

Nazam too was just like me in our approaches towards our beliefs thus he always shared with me his findings n critical thoughts n understanding 

He had four children, and his two boys also ply their trade in music as well

1990s Nazam Mat Jeng female singer Robot

When he had a stroke sometime in 2014 if I'm not mistaken, it brought to an end his career in music

After recovering, but not fully, he maintained his critical mind pursuing his other interests which were reading n writing

He had an excellent command of d language n his knowledge is far n wide n i always look forward to his writings

The last time i met him was two Sundays ago

He was down with fever n recuperating n since i was back in Pj, I used d opportunity to visit him with my wife n Nia

We spent more than a couple of hours chatting about his situation n his experience n life

He even played a song for Nia ‘Just d two of us’ n shared a song he composed quite recently albeit playing d keyboard with only his left hand

Nazam did complain to me that he was having a slight difficulty in breathing but I didn't take it seriously then

I jokingly said that probably age got d better of us

We even had a stick of cigarette while chatting outside his house that day @ our last smoke together

Before leaving that day, i hugged him tightly n said that we would go Zafir's wedding in Melaka together come August

Our last get together

But God had decided

Last night he complained of an excruciating chest pain. Adam, his son, took him to GH where he was straight away attended to by doctors in d emergency department

They tried their best but at around 2am they knew he couldn't be saved

His children crowded around him reciting prayers n d kalimah syahadah till his last moment

And this morning when i was supposed to go to Kuantan, i left for his place in Setapak after subuh n reached d surau in d nick of time

I managed to bathe him, help with d shroud, prayed for him n sent him to his final resting place

I controlled my tears then although it pained me n i still hold back my sadness though tears did roll my cheeks when i kissed him n stroked his face for d final time

It's too much to take in at this time especially so when we had made plan to get together later this month, d five Khan's brothers but alas it was never meant to be

And now that he is no longer with us i can only offer my endless prayer for him 

Nazam, please know, that i will miss u so much n sorely and i really hope u would be together with Bak n Mak n Kak Aishah

One day InshaAllah we will meet again

Happy moment @ once upon a time